完全で瀟洒なメイド

It would seem this "freedom" thing that this alien holiday is all about has gotten to a good number of the maids' heads--that or the sake poured in observation of said holiday. This morning, I ordered all of the maids to work extra hard to make Remilia-ojou-sama's day extra special, and took those who complained to the punishment room as usual. By the afternoon, one of the maids--whom, by the way, I had always suspected would turn traitor--had poured blue dye on herself and amassed quite a crowd of maids. She was yelling "They may take our wives, but they'll never take our free gum," or something like that; I wasn't really listening.

Anyway, to make a long story short, I had to subdue quite a few rebellious maids today. Now not only are we faced with another labor shortage, but there are more traitors to punish than the punishment room can accommodate. How vexing. Maybe if I feed a couple of them alive to Yuyuko, it'll set an example for the others?

So the "striking" maids finally realized the pointlessness of their selfish quest to extort Remilia-ojou-sama, and went to seek work elsewhere. However, none of them were able to find work, either because their prospective employers disliked Remilia-sama for some unfathomable reason, or because Remilia-sama gave them bad references. Thus, they've come crawling back. I set them to work at half the wages they were getting before, and sent the maids who organized the "strike" to the punishment room. Some of them have already been convinced to swear fealty to Remilia-sama. The others... well, I'll take care of them after my break here.

With most of the maids back in service, I've decided to re-evaluate the interim employees. The ghost and the bug thing have done well and may retain their jobs. However, I have serious reservations about the shinigami. Why, the other day I found her asleep in a bathtub she was supposed to be cleaning. Then she refused to clean up her blood after I punished her. At the moment, I'm thinking of either firing her, or giving her a lateral career move, possibly to cesspool cleaner.

Ah, the maids are working so nicely. They must have been very moved by my demonstration of what would happen to slackers. What a wonderful day.

Things at the SDM are a bit better now. I've recovered enough to resume work, and with the ghost guarding the gate, it's been wonderfully quiet. As a matter of fact, I haven't found a single trace of an intruder, with the exception of a bone with a scrap of cloth hanging off it--I'll not speculate as to its origin. The shinigami is helping me with the mansion interior, or at least she should be... on the plus side, it's much easier to punish her when I need to, since she works (again, strictly nominally) so close to me.

To return to the subject of our new door guard, I should probably tell her not to eat the "striking" maids. Training them was a chore... I hope they come to their senses soon. I also hope Remilia-ojou-sama doesn't beat them up too badly for betraying her.

The errant maids' "strike" continues, and has actually intensified, as more and more staff members selfishly decide to stop working until Remilia-ojou-sama raises their pay, among other ridiculous demands. It's pretty much just me, Wriggle and the shinigami now. Even with time stopped, it's quite a hassle doing the work of the entire maid staff, and as a result I've been a little fatigued.

Ojou-sama had a brilliant (as usual) idea to solve the problem. We would attract people from all over Gensokyo by throwing a widely announced dinner party, and then abduct them and force them to do the maids' work for free. It would have worked perfectly, but for the interference of a certain annoying ghost.

Within seconds of her arrival, the spread I had worked on all day was decimated, as were a couple of unfortunate guests. With no one else available, it came down to me to forcibly remove her from the premises. Regrettably, in my weakened state, I slipped and allowed her to get the better of me. I fear I may have been eaten myself, had the janitor not pulled me out of there. (I'll have to give her a 10 yen raise later.)

My body still hurts all over, but that's not my main concern. With me out of commission for at least the next day, who will cook and clean for the SDM? I hate to admit it, but we're in the direst straits yet.

Apparently, some of the employees here took those "labor board" people from earlier seriously, and now they've presumed to stop working until Remilia-ojou-sama promises them higher wages, a "health care" plan, and insurance against being blown up by intruders. They call it a "strike." How ridiculous that they think they have the right to demand such things, or to withhold their servitude--I've a good mind to go out and kill them all, but replacing China has taught me that recruiting new employees would be even more trouble than we're having now.

There aren't many left working still. Even with time stopped, it's a little difficult to fill in for all the maids who decided to turn against ojou-sama. How troublesome...

We recently hired that bug youkai as the new janitor. I had my reservations at first, as she looked kind of young and weak, but she's at least been working earnestly, unlike the other new employee. She cleans the bathrooms well enough, and strangely, since she's been here, we haven't had a single fly or cockroach in the house.

If she continues to prove herself trustworthy, maybe I can have her watch the door guard after work, and make sure she doesn't fall asleep. Then I could go and see China every night.

Today I was giving that idiot shinigami one of her (increasingly common) punishment sessions when some humans came to the door. (Well, she wouldn't have succeeded in stopping them even if she was at her post.) The humans claimed to be from something called a "labor board" and said they were responding to complaints about me punishing the shinigami. How silly--isn't it a servant's job to obey her master unconditionally, and a master's right to punish the servant however she sees fit?
Anyway, the humans asked me a good number of questions, which started to get annoying rather quickly; for some reason, they looked rather distressed when I asked them if they could hurry it up, I needed to get back to punishing the shinigami. They started to get angry and make a lot of noise, so naturally I had to take care of them. Remilia-ojou-sama and Flandre-imouto-sama will eat well tonight.

I had my doubts when I let that idiot shinigami start working as the SDM's door guard--and she's confirmed every one of them.

Lazy and incompetent beyond what I thought possible, she spends a third of the day napping and another third reading something called a "phone book." I've tried punishment after punishment; I even bought some human-made coercion devices, but they haven't helped at all. While a good stabbing or a few days without food was usually enough to put China back in line, I don't know what I'm going to do about this one...

On top of that, she's not even interesting. The only thing she says to me is "Kyaaan!", except when I give her food (which I haven't done in a few days, by the way.) Even when I stab her, instead of pleading for mercy, she just cries her usual "Kyaan!" and falls over. For an immortal, she's not very tough.

I miss having China around to talk to. Maybe I should start going out more often?

My night with China went perfectly. She seemed overjoyed to see me--I'm still not quite used to her being happy rather than scared around me. She bought the services of a chaffeur, a popular job in the outer world that involves transporting someone, to take us to a rather exquisite restaurant. I'm still wondering how she managed to get the money together, especially if you add in the presents she got me... I hope she didn't spend an entire month's salary again. She was always kind of bad with money...

Over dinner, China told me everything. About how much she liked working at the Scarlet Devil Mansion and how much she misses me, about how even through the worst of my abuse she continued to believe that beneath it all was a kind, sweet girl, about how she never gave up her hope or her faith in that timid girl I was when we first met...
I was stunned. I knew she cared for me, but to hear it from her and at such length... I thought about all the terrible things I had done to her in the past, and I got this strange unpleasant feeling, one I'd never experienced before... "guilt," I think it's called?

China saw me looking gloomy--for her stupidity, she can be quite insightful sometimes--and immediately asked me what was wrong. I tried to evade the question a few times, but she was persistent. When I told her how I felt, she looked shocked and begged me not to be sad on such a special night. She told me that it was enough that I had stopped being cruel to her, and that she was happy just spending time with me. She said she hoped we'd be friends forever.

It was a wonderful evening--for a few moments I even forgot that I had left the SDM in that idiot shinigami's hands. I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

I received a letter from China today. She invited me to a dinner over at the Sanzu no Kawa, and also said she had something important to tell me. I wonder what it is... anyway, I figured if it was that important, I should at least dress nicely.

The problem is that I don't really own any outfits that aren't maid outfits, so I had to go shopping again today. I bought a lovely dress and a nice fur coat to go with it. As soon as I stepped outside the store, however, some disheveled human threw a bucket of blood at me. I still don't know why, because I stabbed him as soon as I dodged the blood, and he died right there. How rude.

But I digress. I hope I know how to act properly at the dinner--I've only helped host formal dinner parties, never attended one myself--oh, who am I kidding? It's China; she won't know.

I paid China a visit at the Sanzu no Kawa today. Surprisingly, she seems to be working earnestly now--since she was so busy, I couldn't stay long. We did have time for lunch, though--I treated her this time--and some catching up. She's certainly doing quite well for herself. Before I left, I gave her a copy of the photo from back then that I saved from the remains of her doghouse. She looked quite happy to see it again.

It was good seeing her again, although it was a little strange interacting with her without stabbing, hitting or otherwise hurting her in any way. My hand almost acted on muscle memory once or twice, but I managed to restrain myself.

Oh, and I found the new door guard slacking again when I returned. I'm sure I can put the paddle I bought while I was in town to good use tonight.

Today I swept up China's old doghouse (or, more accurately, the remains thereof) in preparation for a new occupant. That is, if we ever find one qualified for the position, as opposed to that annoying red-haired "Kyaan!" shinigami who comes every other day to beg for another chance.

Anyway, there wasn't much left, but among the ashes I found one relatively undamaged item--a framed photo of myself and China, taken years ago when I first came here. I remember that time; I was still uncomfortable and nervous, and most of the staff avoided me. But China came and said hi the first chance she got, and she showed me around the mansion and took me to the nearest human village. She even bought me lunch--I later found out that she spent a month's salary doing so.

Even when I got promoted and started being pushy with her, she never complained. Even the months before she ran away, when I would beat her nightly, not once did she return the hostility.

...I've never really missed someone before, so I don't quite understand the feeling, but I feel empty inside all of a sudden and I think I'm going to cry...

I'm going to wipe the soot off this photo and keep it in my room.

Since China's not coming back, I started looking for a replacement door guard today. I spent all day interviewing applicants, and was disappointed every time.

The first was some shinigami with red hair, I forgot her name. She got rather evasive when I asked her about the circumstances under which she left her last job. She screamed "Kyaaaaaaaan!" when I had the maids escort her out. Later that day she came back wearing an overcoat and a pair of dark glasses. I stabbed her and dropkicked her out of a window. I haven't heard from her since.

The ice fairy from the lake also applied. She was actually looking fairly strong until I gave her her aptitude test. The position doesn't require a high score at all, but she spelled "Scarlet Devil Mansion" with a "7." Also, she somehow managed to score in the negative range, when twenty points are awarded just for writing one's name down.

Another applicant was this orange-haired fairy dressed all in white. She was good at danmaku, I'll give her that, but she wouldn't answer any of my questions. Naturally, I had to have her forcibly removed from the premises.

I couldn't have imagined looking for a door guard would be so frustrating. It's almost enough to make me wish that China-baka was here.

China's been gone all day; I gave up looking for her after it got dark. I guess she really was serious about running away.

I had no idea the Scarlet Devil Mansion could be this quiet without China's endless "Please, I'm hungry, you haven't fed me in three days" or "It hurts, why are you doing this to me?" And without her, I don't have anything to do tonight. I'm poking one of her spare hats with my knife, but it's just not the same...

I can't believe her nerve, causing all this trouble and making me waste my whole day, but still... I almost feel like I maybe... miss her a little?

somehow i got to this computer alive, i know sakuyas coming for me! last night she stabbed me in the head, kicked me in the ribs & made me sleep in a ditch full of rocks! they were really sharp! today she seems even madder at me, i dont know what shes going to do but i bet its bad!! i dont want to be stabbed again! oh no shes coming this way! somebody, anybody send help!!!!!

Ojou-sama felt like Chinese food today, which meant me going out shopping. On the way to the nearest human village, some pesky fairies--there are quite a few of them around, now that spring is coming--shot at me. Of course, I threw knives back at them until they fell. They went down quickly; it was hardly even entertaining.
Shortly afterwards, though, something unusual happened. A bunch of dirty-looking humans approached me, waving signs that read things like "Stop the Abuse" and "Stop Terrorism on Fairies." One of them accused me of being "cruel" to those fairies, and then the lot of them started chanting, "Two, four, six, eight! Today we stop the fairy hate!"
Anyway, I cut them to pieces. Such low-class humans aren't worthy of being food for ojou-sama.

The Chinese food turned out very well, by the way.

It seems this "Internet" is good for more than finding useless information. It has a system of private written communication as well, not dissimilar to the "postal" system used in human towns. Curiously, though, I have already received messages from a number of strangers:

The first, from one "Bob Chukwuemeka," said that he was a wealthy noble who had been driven out of power and needed my help to recover his fortune. I ignored it, of course. If he was weak enough to be deposed, that's his problem. Besides, he was obviously lying; who's ever heard of a place called "Nigeria"?

The next message, from "Hot Singles" (odd name--some weirdo youkai, probably), offered me a "bigger pen 15 in three days." I politely declined; although I'm not sure how a pen fifteen differs from an ordinary pen, the mansion has more than enough pens. Mr. Singles then responded with an offer of "unb3l13v@bl3 v1@gr@ s@le." I'll have to ask Patchouli-san what exactly that means sometime.

Lastly, "Sloppiest U. Epiglottis" (another weirdo youkai?) sent me a message entitled, "please your woman Jasper." I ignored it as well; I am perfectly capable of pleasing my lady without the help of someone who doesn't even know my name.

As in real life, I suppose all the weird ones come out at this time of year.

So it seems ojou-sama got one of those trinkets that Rinnosuke-san is selling. Personally, I don't see the appeal--this "computer" seems more like an item for bookworms, like the one in the library.

Nevertheless, wherever she may go, I shall protect and serve my lady, and so, here I am...